Tomorrow will mark one week since my grandma died. We haven’t been home for long but I feel so deeply sad. I feel lost. What was my routine before all of this happened? How do I reclaim ground?

My family is extremely close. Each grandparent, aunt, uncle and cousin are all apart of the bigger picture for us. Each and every one of us are apart of one-another’s foundation and structure. When one is hurt or breaks off (i.e. passes on), we all shudder a bit. We crumble… just a bit.

My grandma was one spunky lady. She was a rock, a go-getter and an independent woman for her time (heck… even by today’s standard she’s more independent than most). I aspired to be like her. I aspired to have a tenth of her strength and ability to motivate.

I think of all of the things she wanted to do but never got the chance to. She always wanted to travel to places like Hawaii, Las Vegas (she loved casinos) and New York City (and of course stay in a New York City hotel ). She envisioned herself doing so much but never got the chance due to her failing health.

My mind tells me that I should just bounce back. My heart can’t. Not right now at least. I know that she is in a better place. I know that she is at peace and happy because she is with grandpa. I know this and yet… the selfish part of me really wants her here with us.

God I miss her.