One of the most important aspects of marriage (for me), is the ability to connect with your partner on a level that says you are his and he is yours.  The aspect that says even though you may fight, you fight for the same things or at least the significance of the same things.

It is always refreshing to me how good it feels to work as a “team” in my marriage.  We have our moments where we aren’t teamly… but I couldn’t imagine life without my other half… nor would I want to.

What a day.

Knowing that this could be a major passion of his and the next hobby to occupy his time (aside from video games and rc cars), I have thought about finding the best golf training aid for myself.

I would like to share in my husband’s hobbies (even if I don’t intend to have it become a hobby of mine). I think it is important in marriage to always be in the know with your spouse.

But what makes a failed marriage?  A failed marriage in my opinion is one that has all of the makings of something that will last forever.  But in the end, for whatever reason (not including abuse or other unhealthy habits that would otherwise categorize a bad marriage), the marriage fails.

I wonder this because a couple of years ago, husb crossed a line.  In that one moment I looked at him and did not recognize the man I love.  I looked at him and felt like I lost a little something.  Of course, the moment passed and i’m back to where I was before with my feelings… but that one moment had me feeling a little scared.  And as much as i’ve tried to deal with it, I realize that there is no resolution.  It happened and it cannot be taken back.

How do you cope with the tiny cracks that break in your relationship?  Do you deal with them and then move on?  Do you avoid until you inevitably have to talk about it?  Do you blow up?

Even if you think your marriage is made of solid stone, it’s possible for a hairline fracture… right?

I think I figured something out in my five years of marriage and that is, while I have had a few love relationships in my single woman years, the one I am in right now… is a good relationship.  It is a relationship that I truly want to work at to be in for the rest of my life.

Husb and I fight like any married couple.  The hardest part of being married is figuring out how to live with our quirks and how to adjust to each other.  We are currently entering into a stage where we realize that we have different values on some things.  At the moment we are trying to figure out if we should hold tight to those values or compromise.  Does compromise automatically equal losing?  What do you think?

My grandmother always said that the happiest times she had with grandpa were the last 20 years of their marriage.  Because the fighting and the figuring out how to live together had already passed.  They had already lived most of their adult life with one another… so in retrospect there was no adjustment for the last 20 years.  The only way they would have had to adjust is if they got separated or divorced.  Know what I mean?

So I look on this first 5 years with my husband with happy memories and no regrets.  It’s not perfect… but nothing ever is.  Still… it’s my version of utopia.  My only hope for the future is that we continue to love one another and communicate to work through any rough patches we may have.  And of course realize that it is all worth it.

I have started searching online for some plus size lingerie. I want to fully treat myself to some new clothes and new lingerie. Losing weight and getting healthy should be fun. No more punishing myself! I would like to feel good today, instead of waiting to feel good tomorrow. Does that make sense?

It’s been a long time (or so it seems) since I felt good about myself. I love the feeling!

This week, it was Amy who inspired me and showed me a different perspective to the problem I felt had been weighing on my shoulders. I would like to show you an excerpt from her entry and show you just how powerful it is:

I remember one time in particular my husband said something mean which went right to my heart. I couldn’t believe how he could have been so awful. I was just about to start on a pile of ironing, most of it was his work shirts and I said to myself “he can go do it all himself if he thinks he can speak to me that way.”

But I heard God gently saying to me “that’s not how I want my servant to behave, I want you to go ahead and do it anyway so that you will be heaping burning coals on his head”. God didn’t mean it in a nasty way; he was showing me to still “do good” towards my husband rather than having the same attitude. So…I carried on, pulled out the ironing board and iron. I set it up in my office, put on some praise n worship music and got through it all while venting my frustrations and tears on God.

Wow. I realize that like Amy, I had been doing what she had the courage not to do. Instead of ironing those shirts (or insert chore here), I had been refusing to do it like a stubborn child. Not realizing that God’s love for me and for my husband would carry us through this patch.

As I sit here at my computer in a most introspective moment, I realize that for the umpteenth time, I asked for help and God has shown me the way. I don’t think it was an accident that I decided to click on the Unequal Marriage link in my sidebar today. It was God speaking to me. How divine!

He's really a good man, my husband. And I really want to be a good woman. In general, but especially in my home. I want to be well-matched with him. I want to be vulnerable with him, rest in him. I have likely never done that, at least not since we were very newly in love maybe. The undercurrent of Us is static and tension, as I manipulate all things in order to Keep Me Comfortable. I want victory where I've previously had nothing but defeat. But I want it on my own, not depending on him to validate me. And this is where it's so tricky. Where I fall down. 

Again, I am amazed at her complete honesty with herself about the situation she is in.  Never one to mince words, she says exactly what is on her mind.  She is extremely well-written but throws in a "y'all" every now and then to remind you that she is down-to-earth.  She is the kind of woman you could invite over for coffee and a girly gabfest and not worry that she'll care about the dirty dishes left in the sink.  She is genuine.  Her writing voice remains constant.

What I love most about her blog is that she writes in a way that makes it easy to relate.  We have all had troubled times in our marriages.  Times where we questioned every decision we made or word we said to our spouse.  Her insight causes me to think about the worth of my own life and my own marriage.  It brings me down to earth because I realize that in the blink of an eye it could all go sour and then by the grace of God and only through the grace of God, we can repair what we thought was irrepairible damage to our marriage-life.

I know that she writes not for attention but because it helps her heal.  If you haven't been blessed enough to read her blog, I recommend that you do.  She is well-worth your time.