The past few days i've been in deep thought about happiness and my definition on the subject. I love to watch people interact with one another. Whenever I go shopping, out to dinner, or any public place really, I find myself taking in the atmosphere and the feelings/emotions of the people around me. Often, I wonder if they are truly happy and satisfied in their lives.
Have you ever caught two people in deep conversation and wondered what their relationship is to one another? I remember once a few years ago, my uncle and I were eating at a local dive restaurant together. On this occasion, we were fairly quiet and so I took the opportunity to people-gaze. In the restaurant there were 3 couples I focused my attention on.
The first couple, looked to be no more than 16 years of age. They were lost in eachother. They fed eachother french fries, whispered sweet nothings into one another's ears and every once in awhile would sneak in a kiss when they thought no one was looking.
The second couple had two children. Both mom and dad looked exhausted and just a bit stressed. As they ate, you could tell that the conversation was wrapped around the well-being and day to day activities of their children. Each parent took charge of one child at the table. Mom was feeding the baby, making sure every bite of baby food was timed just right. Dad was making sure the preschooler practiced good table manners and kept the mess to a minimum.
The third couple was a bit older (perhaps in their mid-40's). They barely spoke a word and concentrated on eating their meal. I remember wondering if the silence was companionable or cold with a some stubborn undertone. When they were done, the check was paid for and they left the place the same way they had come. In silence.
I found sadness in the last couple. Meal time for me has always been a time to relax and catch up on the day with your spouse. When they didn't talk, I immediately wondered why. Had they been together for a long time? Had they said everything they needed to say in the 20 years of their relationship and felt that words were no longer needed? Did they simply just not want to speak to one another because of a falling out that might have happened just before they reached the restaurant? Whatever their reasoning, I couldn't help but wonder if the "so in love" teenage couple would then cycle down to where the silent couple was in about 20 years (that is, if they made it that far).
Thinking about those three couples made me think about my own relationship. I remember the days when my husband and I got lost in one another. We were the giggly couple in love sitting in our own corner in a restaurant. We used to talk for hours about everything and anything, all the while drinking in all of the tiny facts about one another; the way he took his coffee, the way would always put my hair in a braid before bed time, and so on.
If you asked me today on whether I was happy, I would answer "mostly". I am mostly happy. Some days, everything seems to be a disorganized mess and I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin. Other days, I couldn't imagine being anyone else or anywhere else. I love my family and I feel so blessed to have them. On days where I am less than confident, I don't feel like I deserve them thus placing me in the "mostly happy" category.
Happiness is a state of mind. It's something that everyone can obtain, but some feel it is out of their reach. Some people place their happiness and seek validation from other people whether it be family, friends or a lover. Other people find serenity within themselves but cannot handle much when something rocks their serenity. While the wise understand that happiness is something that can be turned on and off by our own heart's desires.
I'll never know if those three couples in the restaurant considered themselves happy on that day. I do know that I could make up a hundred stories in my head about their lives. Only they knew then and know now, where their own definition of happiness lies.
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