Wow. It has been hot the last few days. The kids and I have actually stayed inside to avoid the heat. This is of course completely the opposite of what summer is supposed to do (cabin fever in the winter… and no cabin fever in the summer).

But… I would rather be comfortable than sweaty and miserable.

Speaking of sweaty, I have been trying my best to keep up with my exercise routine in this heat. One thing that has made me happy is that I have just bought some ipod accessories. So that means a more efficient method for attaching my ipod to myself so that it doesn’t fall off during exercise!

There are many differences between a quick weight loss program and a slow weight loss program. For one thing, if you have a lot of weight to lose, you won’t be doing yourself any favors by losing the weight quickly. I say this because you need to give your body time to adjust to the changes. You need to slowly immerse yourself into a healthy lifestyle or you will feel deprived and like you have pushed yourself too fast. Weight loss is a mental game as well as physical.

Losing weight quick is fine for 5, 10 or 15 pesky pounds. However, if you have 20+ pounds to lose, it’s better to go with a gradual weight loss program so that you can give yourself time to adjust to the changes to your body.

I am not one for finding literature and such on how to lose weight fast. In my mind, there is no fast way to lose weight. Even if you lose it fast, you have to develop the skills to maintain it.

There is a lot more to weight loss than just losing weight. There is a process behind it that involves everything from your emotions to making changes in your daily life. But I will tell you one thing. If you start now, you won’t regret it. Because this time next year you will be that much further ahead!

I lost 3 pounds this week at my meeting!!  Woot!  This makes a total of 11 pounds lost!

Slow weight loss can be frustrating.  I just want it to come off “now” rather than later.

I was at Sam’s Club today shopping for a few items (they have great price on frozen chicken breast!).  And I perused the clothing section.  To my surprise, Sam’s Club has adorable name-brand clothing at a great price!  I found a few items for my husband (cargo shorts and a couple of vintage t-shirts) and then continued to browse for myself.  Much to my chargrin, Sam’s Club is not plus-size friendly.  Which is a real bummer because I came across soo many cute clothes.

Having a positive meeting put me in a great mood.  Knowing that I have to be a few sizes smaller in order to buy clothing from Sam’s Club was a little dampening but made me more determined in the long run.

I continued on with my grocery shopping and bought items only from the perimeter of the store.  I was careful not to devulge into the processed food stuff.  Needless to say, losing 3 pounds really motivated me to make better choices when grocery shopping.

Perhaps I should always weigh in before grocery shopping.

One of the hardest parts about weight loss is swallowing the fact that you have to lose weight slowly rather than quickly. We live in a Burger King world, which means our way right away. It seems like we celebrate losing 5 pounds at a time more than 1 pound at a time. But as they say, the fat fairy didn’t bring it on over night and certainly wont take it away in a quick manner either.

Sometimes, on our journey, we need a little help. Many people use what they consider to be the best weight loss supplements. Because for them, supplements work. Maybe it helps them feel better about the slow weight loss in knowing that they are doing everything they can to lose the weight.

Have you used weight loss supplements? What are your thoughts about them?

I went to Weight Watchers this morning with the expectation that I would end up showing a gain instead of a loss. To my surprise, I lost 1 pound! WOOHOO! I was so incredibly elated that I felt as though I were floating on a pound. To some, this may seem like just “one pound” but to me it’s one less step to go in my weight loss journey!

All in all, I have lost 8 pounds so far. I feel pretty darn good!

A woman at the same meeting had reached her goal. She practically bounced up to the stage and her excitement and feeling of self-achievement washed over the rest of us in the room. She was an inspiration for sure. She told her story and I had goose bumps up and down my arm. Because I realized that by sticking with Weight Watchers, I too would have a story of my own to tell a couple of years down the road.

I’m being a turtle this time around. Meaning, I am making small changes rather than large ones. I don’t care if it takes me 10 years to lose this weight, I *WILL* change my life for the better. I *CAN* do this.

I have decided that when I get to my goal weight, I want to take a trip to Vegas with husb (or go on a cruise). With the way things seem to be going, I may reach that goal sooner rather than later.

Perhaps I should think about making a reservation at the Riviera hotel for 2 years from now.

WOOT!  Here I thought I would only lose one pound, but I lost 3.2 instead!  That’s a total of 7 lbs!  I cannot even begin to contain my happiness over this!  Going to the meetings have helped me tremendously.  It keeps me motivated and I am actually excited about my weigh ins (even last week when I wasn’t certain that I lost any weight!).

I’ve been taking baby steps with this lifestyle change.  My normal approach to things is that of “all or nothing”.  Meaning, I overwhelm myself with every minute detail and stress over not doing things ‘perfectly’ the first time.    However, now, I find myself taking slower steps and making smaller changes.

I like being held accountable for myself.  I’m always so concerned about others and worried about everyone but me.  It’s nice to worry about me for a change!

I got my Hungry Girl book today and I simply love it! So many simple recipes that use regular stuff from in your refrigerator and cupboard! All of the recipes are super healthy but look super yummy! I can’t wait to start making stuff from it! Upon reading the different recipes, I can definitely see why this book is so popular and given 5 stars!

Here is a recipe that I am going to try for breakfast tomorrow morning:

Fancy-schmancy oatmeal

Ingredients:

1/2 cup regular oats (not instant)
3 tablespoons canned pure pumpkin
1 tablespoon sugar-free maple syrup
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
1 no-calorie sweetener packet
Dash of salt

Directions:

Bring 1 cup of water to a boil in a small pot (use less water for thicker oatmeal, and more water for thinner oatmeal).

Add oats and reduce heat to medium. Stirring occasionally, cook for 5 minutes. Add pumpkin, maple syrup, cinnamon, sweetener, and salt to the pot and stir. Spoon into a bowl and enjoy.
Makes 1 serving.

This recipe is straight from the book and so easy! All of the recipes are given in 1 serving sizes. So it is super easy to multiply to get the amount you need!

I give this book 2 thumbs way up!

I discovered a great new book and a great new website today!  This site and book will definitely help me on my journey to weight loss.

What is this magical site and great book you may ask? Why it’s Hungry Girl of course! I just received some great recipes in my e-mail box this morning just by signing up at her site!

I put in an order at Amazon today for this book! It comes highly recommended on my Weight Watchers forum.

Finally, I have made a commitment to myself.

I have been a Weight-Watchers online member for about 4 months now.  While I love all things online, I found that this method wasn’t effective for me.  Why?  Because I need the accountability part.  I firmly believe that food addictions are much like any other addiction whereas you need to find a way to hold yourself accountable.  Having a viable support group that you see at least once a week is a great way to hold yourself accountable.

It was heartwarming to see how the group of people at my meeting supported one another.  High fives and happy dances aplenty when someone lost weight.  It is inspiring to be with a group of people so committed to changing their lives.  For so long I feel that I have been cheating myself and my family out of a full and active life.  Yesterday, I changed that.

Join me on my weight-loss commitment journey on this blog and my other blog!

Inspiration is a powerful thing whether you need it or give it.

Lately I just haven’t been in tune with this whole diet and exercise thing.  I know I should be and trust me, I want to be but maybe i’m not ready.  I stay up late at night to finish, start or continue various projects.  The kids still get up in the middle of the night (which is frustrating and expected).  I find myself to be tired during the day and manage to get day-to-day things done but nothing else above that.

I’m not complaining and I know I just need to “do it” but how to start and get serious about it?  In my book there’s always tomorrow.  But sheesh, if I would have taken one of those “tomorrows” and turned it into a “today”, I just might be further ahead.

Then there’s the whole temptation to take diet pills.  I’m not blind.  I see the ads everywhere and I must say it looks like mana to a hungry person.  Still, what to do?

I don’t want to get gastric bypass surgery (not that there’s anything wrong with it).  I would like to be able to do it myself.  I want to stop tearing my body apart before it gets to the point of no return and my only option from that point *is* surgery.  Know what I mean?

Went down the isle at Sam’s Club the other day and found the section of diet aids. The bottle with the name Lipovox jumped out at me. I read the back of it and it contains natural things like cayenne pepper and flaxseed oil. It is tempting but the jury still isn’t out yet for me as to what to do.

Holla if you have body issues (because this girl sure does)!

So, I started my “getting healthy” plan this week! I am completely motivated and feeling extremely positive about this experience! Tomorrow I plan on walking the trail by our home with my son Owie. It is time to drag the ol’ exercise bike out of the garage because the end of summer is near and cooler weather continues to roll in little by little. It makes me want to buy an elliptical and set up a home gym downstairs in our basement.

Shopping for groceries last Sunday went rather well! I paid close attention to what I was buying and ate lunch before going so that I didn’t shop hungry. It made a wealth of difference!

I’m off to a good start and feeling amazing!

Finally, I am 6 weeks postpartum tomorrow and will be able to travel down the path to losing weight and getting healthier.  My husband and I had recently decided that we needed to change our food/exercise lifestyle not only for ourselves but more importantly the sake of our children.

Though I have since realized that I need to feel good about myself regardless of size and a good friend really helped me realize that!

I still have not decided on whether or not I want to take diet pills. If I find an appealing product, I may just give it a try. However, I promised myself that I would try the natural path to good health first!

As a plus size woman, i’m always on the look out for great plus size clothing. I like clothes that fit and hug my curves. I don’t enjoy clothing that hangs off like a rather large tent. That’s why I am so thankful that the fashion industry is so forward-thinking now days! Plus size clothing has come a long way from where it used to be! I now see so many bigger women who look fantastic (clothes, make up, hair, etc.).

I have a few plus size gal shops that I love to frequent. If you are a plus size gal, what shops do you frequent?

On my journey for total health, I read up on many things. Number one, did you know that high cholesterol can slow down the blood flow in your body making your heart pump that much harder to maintain good circulation? Also, did you know that dairy has components that can actually help you lose weight and absorb necessary nutrients easier? In addition, you can keep your blood sugars on an even keel by eating fruit and drinking green tea. Lastly, another handy tip I learned is to colon cleanse at least twice a year. Sometimes our bodies don’t get rid of all of the toxins. The toxins can build up and turn into something like cancer.

It is good to keep your body and your health in check.  After all, who doesn’t want to enjoy life as long as possible with the people they love?

I took the hard drive tonight and worked out at the gym again.  This time, I actually worked up a sweat.  My legs feel like spaghetti and I pray to God that I didn't over do it, but damn.  I feel good!  It has helped that I have a buddy to go with.  My brother motivates me.  Mainly because I want him to get off my ass about things, but also because as I have learned the past couple of days we have went to the gym, it is really fun to go with him.

Want to hear something else great?  D decided that he wants to start working out with us!  Double Yaaay!  He said that he doesn't want to be the bump on a log.  He wants to lose a few pounds so that he can feel more confident about himself.  So, tonight, I went out and got him new shoes and work out clothes.  Tomorrow after work, we will be going to the gym.  I am psyched!

My main goal right now is to beat this depressing funk I have been in for the past 9 months or so.  I have been someone else and I really don't like that someone else.   I'm spunky, fun and cute, not depressing, boring and tired all the time.  So, i'm working on getting my groove back.  Yes, this will be how Kellie got her groove back. Hehehehe

So here starts chapter one.  I hope that things will only get better from here!

The truth hurts.  It is not a cliche' as we all think, but instead a tiny shard of reality.  The truth is something that comes in many forms.  Half truths, glossed over truths, the truth as you see it and blunt truth.  I looked at myself this morning.  I mean actually looked at myself and examined every inch of the mass that makes up me.  Somewhere along the line I must have kept telling myself that I look okay.  I must have lied to myself everytime I would look at another chubby gal and think, "well, at least i'm not THAT big".  The truth of the matter… I am actually THAT big.  Not only am I that big, but my stomach hangs down after two c-sections.  I shudder to think about how low that thing can go.

It never ceases to amaze me that my biggest burden to bear is my weight.  It seems so trivial and small yet weighs so very heavily on my mind.  IRS called?  Who cares.  I'm fat.  The family dog died?  Whatever.  Have you seen my butt lately?  It is so shallow and yet not all in the same breath.  I absolutely deplore the fact that I think about it THIS MUCH.  I don't even know if anyone could consider this normal behavior. 

I am at a crossroads. I can feel it.  I'm no longer in the not doing a thing about it stage and slowly creeping into the get moving/get losing corner.  I used to read fat acceptance blogs and now find that I am reading more blogs where women are losing weight and blogging about it.  It is more freeing to me than the acceptance blogs.  Mainly, because I don't accept myself.  This of course has to do with more than just how much I weigh/how I look.

The hard part about the truth is that I have finally forced myself to look and really understand what I am doing to myself.  I hate what I see.  I am in complete disgust of myself.  Not that I ever had rose-colored glasses on before, but now I really see.  I see every inch of my body.  Each inch leading me closer to being diagnosed with diabetes or a heart attack.

Everytime I choose alcohol, candy, fast food, fried food, I am choosing crap over living a long healthy and happy life with my family.  My kids and my husband are waaaay more important than food.  However, since I was a kid, I have had this relationship with food that is hard to describe.  If I give it up (well, the junk food anyway…) I know i'll be happier.  But I would be lying if I said there wasn't a part of me that worries and wonders if life will ever be as "fun".  Weird thinking eh?  When did having fun equate with eating? 

I think that fun = eating and eating = fun is part of my thinking process that needs to change.  Obviously, I need to see food only as a means of survival and not as a means of entertainment or therapy.  Still, when you have loved and counted on something for 27 years of your life…. it is hard to give it up. 

This blog isn't about me whining constantly about my weight.  More or less, i'm going through my honest feelings during this whole process.  I am hoping that through writing, I will discover tiny pieces of myself that I didn't know were there.  That those pieces I will discover will make me whole and replace the way I currently fulfill my emotional needs. 

I was perusing the blogiverse this morning to find new and interesting reads and I stumbled upon a blog entitled "The Diet Blog".  My first reaction to this blog is that the author was peddling diet pills or new "get slim quick" solutions.  Then, I started reading.  In an entry named "Over-tolerant Attitude to Fatness", the author J. Foster refers to an article she came across in Scotland's Sunday Herald.  One of the quotes that was taken from the article:

A few people become fat for complex medical or psychological reasons outwith [outside of?] their control. But most people are fat just because they can't be bothered to take themselves in hand, and their lives are the poorer for it. They need to get a grip.

Wow.  Thank you J. Foster for pointing out what has to be the most close-minded, non-empathetic quote of all time.  The problem is, people who have never had to deal with weight issues cannot even begin to comprehend the complexity of the issue.  It seems that the majority of those who haven't experienced the issues first-hand are always the first to cry "FAT = LAZY".  Could it possibly be that the overweight who are do not have complex medical or psychological have issues that are deeper than anyone can understand? 

It is always amazing to me how people have sympathy for other self-inflicted psychological diseases (alcoholism, drug-abuse, etc.) but when it comes to the obese and overweight, the empathy seems to float out the window and is replaced with repulsion and finger-pointing.

Another point in the article was near the end.  She mentioned that in a recent study done by Duke University, most of the people who claim workman's compensation are overweight people.  It was in the author's opinion that we cannot ignore the obesity epidemic because it alone is going to attribute to the increase in future health costs.

So I guess it couldn't be that the increase in future health care costs has more to do with the fact that the healthcare system in its entirety is monumentally screwed up.  Of course not.  Let's blame the fat people of the world because it is easier to do that (being that fat people are always seen as the effigy figure of bad health) than look in the mirror and realize that the healthcare industry and the way our government tries to run the program needs some serious overhaulin'. 

This just goes to show that people don't get it.  It is far easier to point the almighty finger than to actually be enlightened enough to see the whole picture.

I feel that I really should mention one of my favorite weight blogs happens to be "Big Fat Deal".  It is my internet version of crack.  I am absolutely addicted.  From the rousing topics to the heated debates, I couldn't be any happier than if I was savoring an oreo cookie this minute.  For real.

One of their most recent articles entitled "The Forty-Seventh Biggest Loser" sort of touched on the topic of the sometimes overboard weight-loss tactics of the contestants on the show.  They reported that one contestant admitted to being severely dehydrated because she ate lots of asparagus and hopped in and out of saunas to lose some excess water weight.  As much as I want to berate this woman, i'm sure she did it for the obvious pressure added to her from the show.  But still… 

The weirdest thing I have ever done to lose weight was go on what I would like to call "The Apple Diet".  I ate nothing but apples all day long.  It lasted for 3 days and by the end of the third day I wanted food all kinds and truck loads!  I was 15 at the time.  

So, now I need to pose some questions to y'all…

Have you used asparagus or any other natural stimulant to lose weight?  What was the strangest thing you've done to lose weight?

Being heavy is a burden for me.  I hate it.  It is all I can think about and think about it I do, on a daily basis.  Not a moment goes by where I don't pass by a reflection of myself and mentally tear down, pound by pound, fat roll by fat roll, and double chin by double chin.  I would love to get to a point in my life where I feel *good* about being this size.  I remember when I was 50 pounds lighter and how excruciating I found that to be.  What I wouldn't give to be that size now.   As it currently stands, I literally can't shop in normal stores. I am officially confined to the corner of buying online.  I cringe at the thought of shopping with friends or family because, let's face it, I watch them shop.

To say that I have been trying to diet and to no avail have not lost any unwanted poundage, would be an outright lie.  I start diets and stop diets almost every single day.  I self-diagnosed myself with compulsive overeating when I was 14 years old.  I saw a commercial on television that described some of the symptoms I had.  Eating in secrecy, enjoying food more when eating alone, lying to myself and others about what I eat, and feeling ashamed but unable to STOP.

Psychological cycles and patterns are a bitch to change.  I firmly believe that it has nothing to do with will-power.  It has more to do with taking an active role in changing the patterns that you set forth for yourself.  It has to do with understanding the emotional triggers that put your body into starvation mode and also eliminating processed sugar and artificial sugar in your diet.

I have never been a 'fat positive' sort of person, at least, not in relation to myself.   On the other hand, I do feel that many people fail to understand the depth of having an eating disorder such as compulsive overeating.  I think they feel that fat people are lazy.  End of story.  If only it were that easy.

When I eat, I rarely eat when I am hungry.  I feel programmed to eat.  I love food (don't get me wrong), but for me it goes so far beyond that.  If I have a bad day, I turn to food.  Not that food envelopes me like a comfy blanket, but instead my mind is triggered to use food as a way to think about something other than the bad incident for the day.  Because I like food, I can concentrate on that instead and in a weird sense, it makes me feel better.  Now, after I have eaten the food, I begin to feel worthless and shameful.  Suddenly, the problem that I had earlier multiplies tenfold because now I am feeling worthless on top of everything else.  Again, I eat.  It is a never ending uphill battle of emotion and food.  If I could just not think or feel for a day, I think I might be able to make it through without gorging myself.

Then of course, when I do lose weight, how will I feel?  How will the new me fit into the old life? 

It isn't impossible, but it does take work and an active changing of patterns.  The past 4 years of my life has been a challenging series of ups and downs and I haven't dealt with those ups and downs as I should have.  Now, I am paying the price tenfold and ended up in a hole that I don't know how to get out of.